Masculine & Feminine Side
by John and Micki Baumann
The Masculine Side:
The masculine side deals with the strength of the self. It is what causes you to act either timidly or self-confidently. The thing that is most important in determining the strength of the masculine side, is the value that you, at a deep level, place on yourself. This is a value you know within yourself that you have really and truly earned. It could be thought of as a sort of self esteem. Placing a high value on yourself affects your whole being and helps you feel strong and confident in operating your life. And, in the reverse direction, when you are able to operate your life confidently, things can really turn around for you because you get more out of life, and this automatically makes you place a higher value on yourself. You can build the masculine side through progress and small wins, through positive reinforcement, by practicing, and by doing things and generally taking an active part in operating your life. If you have a strong masculine side, you are in charge of your own life because you are internally controlled. You tend to look people in the eye. You stand straight, and you usually command attention when you walk into a room, whether you say anything or not. This happens because of the strength within. If you have a weak masculine side, you also have a lot of doubts. You doubt yourself, your abilities, your capability to do things. Things intimidate you and you don’t move forward well. You are afraid to put yourself out there because you know you are going to fail, so you don’t even try to accomplish things. If you have a weak masculine side, you often feel the need to show off your attributes and accomplishments, whereas if you have a strong masculine side you are self-confident, and don’t feel it is necessary to show off. The masculine side is full of things that you have to be strong and self-confident in order to do. These include being able to claim your basic rights, such as the right to feel free to operate independently of others, and the right to belong or fit into society in any way you please. Claiming your rights also includes being able to stand up to people who try to take away your rights, either by force or intimidation, or by manipulation, or by trying to hinder you in choosing your own direction in life. The masculine side also includes the ability to take risks when appropriate, to be decisive when necessary, and to focus or concentrate in order to get something done. In addition, it includes being able to figure out how to accomplish things so you can get more of what you want out of life. Part of this is being able to figure out how to operate your life in a responsible manner, how to reason without distorting reality and without fooling yourself, and how to accurately weigh probabilities so that you know the most likely outcome to expect in situations you come across.
The Feminine Side:
Like the masculine side, the basis for the feminine side is also a value. But instead of a being a value you place on yourself, the feminine side is based, at the same deep level, on a value that you place on others. It could be thought of as a sort of other esteem. The value you place on others affects your whole being. If you have a strong feminine side and place a high value on others, you are often giving and unselfish. You usually know what is good for people, and you tend to operate in ways that helps others get what they want out of life. You happily let people operate their own life without interference from you, but when asked, you are also willing to help by supporting, cooperating, and giving advice. People feel comfortable with you because you give of who you are without pushing yourself on others. If you have a strong feminine side, people also feel comfortable being around you because there is no selfishness for them to detect. If you have a weak feminine side, you place a low value on others, and you are not a giving person. Instead, you are selfish and greedy, and tend to keep yourself closed off from people. You are isolated because you don’t want to share yourself, or anything you have. Also, you don’t take responsibility for yourself, but blame others for your problems. Although the feminine side is generally not as well understood as the masculine side, the negative or selfish aspect of the feminine side is something almost everybody recognizes, especially in others. In fact, it may be the most easily recognizable characteristic of all, because of the discomfort factor involved in being around a selfish person. If someone has a weak feminine side, it could also be said that he has a strong dark side (the evil or negatively motivated side). The feminine side is always very weak in someone with a strong dark side, while the masculine side can be anywhere from weak to strong. In the extreme situation where a person has an almost nonexistent feminine side, he will often act in ways that could be considered evil in nature, because he acts only on his own behalf, and does it to such an extent that he doesn’t care how much his actions hurt others in the process. If you have a strong feminine side, you often behave in ways that are considered feminine in nature. You do things you have to be giving and unselfish in order to do. These include recognizing the basic right of all people to use their own will to operate their own life, for example, by allowing them freedom to operate independently, freedom to fit in where and how they want, and freedom to choose what things to confront or face up to in life. Allowing people their basic rights also includes allowing them to control their own life without interference from you, to choose their own obligations in life without being manipulated by you, and to choose their own path or direction in life without hindrance from you. The feminine side also includes having enthusiasm and zest for life, and recognizing what things are worth getting enthusiastic about. And it includes having the persistence and tenacity to stay with things to the end, while still knowing when to give up on something if your energy is better used elsewhere. In addition, the feminine side also includes being kind, compassionate, patient, responsive to the needs of others, and it includes knowing how much energy you can put into each of these without hurting yourself by draining your own energy.
The masculine/feminine or yin/yang balance is extremely important, almost more important than how much you have grown as a person. Even a less evolved person, if he is balanced, treats others the same way he treats himself. And that is what balance is all about. If the masculine side is much stronger than the feminine side, you tend to be pushy and take unfair advantage of people. On the other hand, if the feminine side is much stronger than the masculine side, you tend to let others take advantage of you, and you become a doormat for people. How can you tell which side is stronger for you? The balance between fear and anger in your life is a good indication. If the masculine side is stronger than the feminine side, you tend to feel anger more easily than fear. The greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will feel unjustly treated by others, and the more easily you will become angry and aggressive with them, because you have an unrealistically high opinion of your own rights compared to those of others. Conversely, if the feminine side is stronger than the masculine side, you tend to feel fear more easily than anger. The greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will feel you are treating others unjustly, and the more easily you will become fearful and defensive, because you have an unrealistically low opinion of your own rights as compared to those of others. Also, the greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will become angry with yourself, because you don’t like your low level of self-confidence, and you inherently realize you are not living up to your potential. Rights: The masculine side determines in general how you feel about your own rights, while the feminine side determines how you feel about the rights of others. If the masculine side is stronger than the feminine side, you tend to think of your own rights as being stronger or somehow more valid than the rights of others. This means you will slant those rights in your own favor and will sometimes take advantage of other people’s rights to the extent of your masculine/feminine imbalance. Conversely, if the feminine side is stronger than the masculine side, you tend to think of other people’s rights as being stronger or somehow more valid than yours. This means you are likely to give up some of your rights in order to give someone else more than his rights actually entitle him to, and consequently, you will sometimes be taken advantage of. If you have a good balance between your masculine and feminine sides, you will generally exercise your own rights when you want, but you will also allow others the full measure of their rights.
The Balance and Greed:
If you have an imbalance toward the masculine side, that is, a stronger masculine than feminine side, it means you place a lower value on others than on yourself. This often shows itself as greed, which is a form of selfishness, and a natural consequence of this kind of imbalance. Greed produces the desire to want more than your fair share of things. It is wanting things at the expense of others. A greedy person usually makes his gains by exploiting others. Greed is the opposite of generosity, since generosity results from wanting everyone to have enough of everything. Greed is a form of selfishness, and is one of the ways that an imbalance shows itself. Sexuality and the Masculine/Feminine Balance: The stronger the masculine side, the stronger is your sex drive, and the more aggressive you are sexually. The stronger the feminine side, the more giving you are sexually. Also, the stronger the feminine side, the greater is your capacity to really enjoy sex when the circumstances are right. This is why selfish people generally don’t enjoy sex very much. So it can be seen that the best lovers are people whose masculine and feminine sides are both strong. The Historic Dominance of the Masculine Side: The masculine side is the side that everybody knows and understands. All through time, people have had to develop the masculine side in order to be able to survive and thrive in the physical sense. Many books have been written about developing the self esteem and self-confidence of the masculine side. There have also been many “success” programs such as Scientology, Est, Lifespring, etc. These programs develop the masculine “I can do it” attitude, and they are effective as far as they go. They are good for people with a stronger feminine side and a weaker masculine side, because what they teach helps that kind of person achieve balance. But for people who are balanced in this way, or who already have a strong masculine side, these programs often create an imbalance, or add to an already existing imbalance. This is because they develop the masculine side while ignoring the feminine. And it is precisely because the feminine side has been largely neglected, that the masculine side is so much better understood. Dominance of the Masculine Side in Business: Business has always operated from the completely masculine concept of the bottom line, and not from the feminine concept of existing in order to do what is good for people by benefiting those it serves. The desire to be powerful has had a large part in this, and has led to a tolerance and even encouragement of the idea that power over others in small but insidious forms is acceptable, especially where money is concerned. And money is power, in the sense that, if you have money you can buy the time of others and have them do your bidding. This completely masculine orientation has kept business from operating in a balanced way that could be good for the people served by business, in addition to being good for the bottom line.
Liberation and the Developing Masculine Side in Women:
Women have also been working on developing the masculine side, sometimes at the expense of the feminine side. Liberation has helped many women develop the masculine side by teaching them to stand up for their rights and not be coerced in any way. This has gone a long way in changing the old traditional viewpoint in which the man was the boss and the woman was the slave. The problem is that, in some areas, liberation has placed men in the role of the enemy, and this has prevented many women from using their feminine side in interacting with men. This is because liberation has taught some women to feel free to choose only to withhold from men, but not to feel free to choose to give unselfishly to men. True liberation for a woman is freedom to choose how to operate her own life. This includes the freedom to choose to give unselfishly to another person as well as to withhold giving from them.
Technology, Spiritual Development, and the Global Masculine/Feminine Balance:
When we look at the development of our species as a whole, technological development could be compared to the masculine side, while spiritual development could be compared to the feminine side. And just as balance is necessary for an individual, it is equally important for us as a species to maintain a balance between our technological and spiritual development. At the present time, the masculine or technological side is too strong compared to the feminine or spiritual side. This is a dangerous position to be in because we have technology that is capable of great destruction, but we are hardly developed enough to use it wisely. There is an expression that says “Technology and human nature are sometimes a volatile mix”. This volatility is a result of the imbalance that occurs by having too much technology for our level of spiritual evolution. To correct this imbalance, it is necessary to develop the feminine side and bring it into closer balance with the masculine side, both individually and as a species. This will allow us to use our technology without misusing it, not only in areas of conflict or war, but also in areas of caring for our planet in a way that is good for her, and consequently good for us. Only then will we no longer have to feel that “Whenever we pull a technological rabbit out of a hat, we end up being disappointed by the droppings it leaves behind”.
Balance Requires Developing the Feminine Side:
For reasons of survival, liberation, business, and technology, most people have been able to develop the masculine side to a greater extent than the feminine. It may be that it is just easier to learn the lessons of the masculine side, but the result is that, as a species, we are left with a serious masculine/feminine imbalance. And it is a dangerous imbalance because it is a formula for destruction and hurting people. The time has come to develop the feminine side and achieve a greater balance in this area. It is time to recognize that the feminine side has value, and that its value lies in knowing and doing what is GOOD FOR PEOPLE. It is time to recognize that it is good for people to give and help each other, because that creates less turmoil in the world. It is time to recognize that at this moment in our evolution, most people are here to learn to develop the feminine side, because that is what will give us balance.